Steen: Get counselling if you go see The Counselor

How come every time there’s a restaurant scene, everyone in the restaurant is drop-dead gorgeous?

The Counselor

Despite a cast of heavy weights, this film is about as bad as it gets.

Directed by Ridley Scott, written by Cormac McCarthy (who also wrote No Country for Old Men—what a fun-fest that was), The Counselor (Fassbender) gets greedy and enters the dangerous world of drug trafficking—let’s just say no winners at that game.

Cameron Diaz (who plays the sociopath Malkina), Brad Pitt (Westray), Penelope Cruz (Laura) and Javier Bardem (Reiner) round out this big-star cast, where often the dialogue is superfluous and the scenes, jumpy.

I’ll bet the Mexican Department of Tourism is just thrilled that every time there’s a show about drugs, violence, trafficking and general bad behaviour, the people portrayed are always Mexican – what, nothing more from Columbia?

Another observation: How come every time there’s a restaurant scene, everyone in the restaurant is drop-dead gorgeous? No one’s overweight, no one’s having a bad hair day, no one’s in need of a dye job—nope, all gorgeous. I’d personally like to see a few ‘real’ people in some of these scenes—just sayin’.

The Counselor is not just a bad film, it’s dark, it’s awful, it’s depressing and creepy. One wonders why Ridley Scott chose this one to dedicate to his brother who committed suicide in 2012.

Angelina Jolie was to be cast in the Diaz role. She’s obviously one smart lady to give this a pass. I wonder why Brad Pitt took the part—maybe he needs the money for his upcoming wedding. His acting was probably the weakest of all the cast and the storyline (such as it was) really didn’t need this character in it.

This is a story of one very naïve man trying to get a piece of the ‘pie,’ not knowing who to trust, not knowing what to do when things go sour and apparently not knowing to turn down this awful script when he read it.

So, to recap: No matter how many big names you throw at it, a bad movie is still a bad movie, in fact Bad Grandpa, with an old man and a kid, beat it at the box office.

I give The Counselor one reel (only because some guys are going to find Diaz irresistible.

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