Re: Time to deal with roots of suicide (Opinion, Sept. 25)

I have never quite understood the rationale behind the reluctance to report suicides, as if the fact that someone has taken his or her own life might inspire someone else to do the same.

The media has no similar reluctance to report every grisly detail of other disasters, crimes, and tragedies, in spite of documented cases where people have been inspired to copycat crimes. 

It seems to be more related to the still-pervasive reluctance to discuss mental illness in polite conversation than anything else.  I know of no surer way to cause an awkward break in the conversation than to tell someone my dad committed suicide.

My stepmother refuses to even say the word and now, a year later, refuses to tell the extended family what the official cause of death was, although most have guessed.

I don’t expect my father would have wanted it that way. He was always open about the fact that he had a mental illness. I feel the same way. I can’t pretend he died of something more “respectable” like cancer or heart disease, where people could admire the brave battle he fought and lost. But he fought a battle all the same, he suffered the same; he endured the treatments the same, and in the end he lost. It was what it was, and I see no use in pretending otherwise.

I think it could be beneficial if media coverage of suicides was honest, but at the same time more focused on those left behind. If anything could inspire someone to keep fighting the battle against mental illness, it just might be a glimpse of the suffering that their death will cause to their loved ones.

They may think the world would be better off without them, and their family will get over it, but we the survivors are living proof that this is not so.

Jessica Wiebe

Saanich

Mental illness is the root of suicide

The column touches a lot of important points, however, the main root of suicide is untreated mental illness, for example depression. The most important thing  is helping those who are suffering from depression or other mental illnesses before they reach the point of no return and take their life.

Ours is a very fast-paced society and some are unable to keep up to it. Many suffer in silence, unable to voice their needs due to shame at first, having a mental illness, as if that is any fault of theirs. 

Those of us that have suffered a loss due to death by suicide would rather the focus be on more help for the ones still lost in the darkness. It is not too late for them.

As for reporting the cause of death, it is sometimes easier to simply say their loved one died tragically. How explicit do we need to be when dealing with the shock of our loss?

Thank you for your article, I appreciate your shining a light on this topic.  From a mother who lost her 21-year-old son in 2002.

M.J. Apcar

Saanich

Sharing stories raises awareness

I would like to thank Jim Zeeben for the wonderful article. I was touched by how clearly I could feel how you were affected by the suicide of your friend, and how clear the memories of that event are for you.

There are challenges to reporting on suicide, and not all families at the time of the loss are ready to see information in the media and I think those left behind need to be treated with dignity and respect.

I lost my son Rielly in July 2007. He was 15.

In order for us as a society to change and reduce, and hopefully eliminate suicides, we are going to need to step out with those who are willing and bring these real stories to life. Providing awareness, education and understanding like we have with other issues that were once only whispered, such as sex and cancer.

We are outraged at drinking and driving deaths and yet for youth 15-24 suicide account for almost as many deaths, and there is little awareness of this fact.

So I am out to break down the stigma and taboo, to share my son’s story in hopes that his experience will help save lives. I know he felt alone and that he had no way to change his situation, and I believe that we can reach out to youth and by providing education and resources we can make a difference.

Corrine Thompson

Victoria

Education removes taboo on the issue

I appreciated your story about suicide and the harmful or helpful role that media coverage may have.

I’m strongly on the side of more responsible coverage of suicide. By that I mean presenting the facts, attempting to sort out the causes or circumstances, and providing details about how people in similar situations can get help.

I don’t think it’s useful to provide specific or graphic details about how the suicide occurred, and I completely oppose any photographs of family or friends being included.

I do, however, strongly support education about suicide and an emphasis on prevention. I think the newspaper and other media have an obligation to educate the public about suicide and what can be done to prevent it, including signals, who to talk to, how to refer a friend to get help, and how to help the survivors.

Many years ago I was the project leader for a peer helping program where high school teens were trained and supervised to provide listening, understanding and emotional and practical support to members of their peer group.

The student peer helper participants wanted to learn more about suicide and how they might be able to help their friends deal with their thoughts about this. The local suicide prevention specialist professional group was contacted and asked if they would make a presentation to the group about how these teens could assist.

Surprisingly, the professional group refused and supported their refusal by saying they didn’t think it was appropriate for teens to be involved in giving out suicide information. Their belief was that this should only be handled by professionals. We completely disagreed based on the connections students had to each other, their ability to provide timely information, and their eagerness to refer their friends to professionals for help.

The present approach by media to limit rather than accurately report suicide is a form of stereotyping or stigmatizing suicide. Even some of the organizations associated with suicide prevention are contributing to this rationalized stigma.

Rey Carr

Victoria

Families’ emotions conflicted in suicide

I think the media should talk about suicide, so it does not remain a taboo subject. It is a result of mental illness that the person has not received or accepted treatment for, and consequently a large circle of family and friends bear the pain of that person’s decision to escape from their mental anguish.

Using the phrase “committed suicide” implies a crime, rather than an act of desperation. It would be preferable to say “completed suicide” when reporting the death, or perhaps say, “died by own hand.”

The depth of depression that drives a person to such a desperate act reveals the person has such a reduced vision of their world, much like looking down a straw, that they cannot envision hope that they can feel any better than escaping from that limited perception.  It is a truly painful place to be.

It is hard for families not to feel guilty because they think they should have been able to prevent the final act. But we make our own decisions, and when thinking is so distorted, as those in the depth of such an illness are, then decisions are often faulty, with permanent consequences.

It is hard to tell an ill person their problems are temporary, and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

My family has lived through this situation.

Carolyn Herbert

Saanich

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