Last week, I began writing about friendship. In Solomon’s writings, called the Proverbs, we can find several references to friendship. Over the next two weeks, I’ll write about five attributes a true friend has.

Notice that these qualities have nothing to do with a person’s looks, personality, position, power or personal wealth; rather, they all come from the inside of a healthy soul.

• A friend loves at all times. A teacher friend of mine had a Grade 1 student who was showing some signs of personal struggle. She took her aside after school one day and said, “Cheri, I want to be your friend. You can talk to me about anything you want. I won’t tell anyone else what you share with me. I care about you and you can always trust me and count on me.” With tear-filled eyes, the little girl looked up at her teacher and replied, “Gee, Mrs. Edwards, you’re just like my dog.”

• A friend has a giving attitude. Of course, this goes both ways. Friendship is not one person giving and the other taking but both people giving. The giving will include time, patience, love, encouragement, strong counsel, thoughtful (not expensive) gifts, cards and energy, but above all, it requires giving of yourself. If a person does not make himself vulnerable to his trusted friend, he is not a true friend.

• A friend confronts when necessary. One of the keys to healthy confrontation is timing. There is a time to simply put your arm around someone, to listen and say nothing, to encourage and speak loving supportive words; but there are other times when a true friend will speak the hard truth in love. Solomon wrote, “Better is an open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” He also said, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” A few flying sparks may be a sign of a healthy friendship.

• A friend is a counsellor at the right times. “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.” Everybody sees the world from a slightly different perspective. Each of us wears glasses that have been tinted by our personality, genetic make-up, life experiences and cumulative knowledge. That’s the reason we can sometimes look at a friend’s deepest problems and easily see a way out. Sometimes it simply takes a person who knows us, loves us and sees our situation from an objective viewpoint to point out a door we never saw before. Wisdom often has its source in a new perspective.

• A friend is faithful. Like in the old marriage covenant, when a bride and groom promise to each other and thereto “I give you my faith,” a friend is faithful and also has faith in the other person. It deeply grieves me when I hear of someone who was once famous, powerful and wealthy but now suddenly hits the skids and begins a downward slide. Whether it’s through personal failure, addictions or even because of a scandalous lie that the person falls, it is the best time to see who truly are their friends and who were simply there because of passing popularity and influence. Once in a while we hear of such a person who literally loses everything but one faithful friend hangs in through it all. Their friendship supersedes the circumstances. That is faithfulness, the mark of a true friend.

Barry Buzza (www.barrybuzza.com and http://barrybuzza.blogspot.com) is senior pastor at Northside church in Coquitlam and Port Coquitlam.