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'David' has some brilliant advice for Trevor Linden and the Vancouver Canucks
Looking for advice, the Vancouver Canucks went right to the root of their revenue – their fans.
But they didn't consult the frothing callers on Team 1040 or their depressed ticket buyers – the ones who constantly whine, "We paid for these seats and you can't even win?!" as if the Canucks owed them something.
Instead, the Canucks took letters from students at Richmond's McKay Elementary. And David, aged 12, seems to know what's up.
"Dear Mr. Linden," his letter begins, which you can see on the right, "Congrats on becoming President! My advice would be to stop giving away goalies and instead, just train goalies. So you'll have good goalies instead of no goalies.
"From David. Age 12."
And with that, David took 30 words to perfectly sum up a problem. Most sports reports – yours truly included – fail to do that in 3,000 words.
What's that Mark Twain line? It's something like, "I would have written you a shorter letter but I didn't have time."
David even nailed the dry humour – repeating the world "goalies" in that condescending way that makes the subject think, "You're right. What we did is pretty ridiculous."
If I'm Darryl Sutter, I'm getting this kid on the phone right now and having him write my speeches for me.
(*NOTE: Of course, Linden isn't the man who traded both Cory Schneider and Roberto Luongo, but he now inherits a team led by two young netminders in Jacob Markstrom and Eddie Lack.)
The entire batch of letters is a gauntlet of cuteness.
"Keep the players healthy," said Jack, age 11. "If they aren't healthy, they will get sick. If they get sick, they can't keep strong and smart. If they can't keep strong and smart, they can't play hockey well. If they can't play hockey well, they will loose so you must keep them healthy."
Here's a pretty adorable tip from Ahmad, age six:
"To win you need to make sure the team doesn't stay up late and call the best man and tell them they can do it even if they can't."
"Dear Mr. Linden," writes Isaac in Grade 5, "Congratulations on becoming the President of the United States, err... the Canucks."
Nobody likes a wise guy, Isaac.