Julie Folland’s daughter started having problems in daycare at four years old.

Nearly every day, Folland would arrive at the centre after a long day at work and be greeted with complaints about her daughter Lindsay’s behaviour.

“She would climb into her cubbyhole and not come out because all the noise was just too overwhelming. It was just too much and the daycare leaders would try to get her out. But that was her only way of protection from the noise,” said Folland.

She took her daughter to doctors but was certain she already knew the problem.

“When I was pregnant with Lindsay I only found out when I was at 16 weeks, so by that time I had spent the whole summer drinking at barbecues,” she said.

Lindsay was diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. The label describes a continuum of birth defects caused by ingestion of alcohol by the mother during pregnancy. Unlike Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, FASD typically has no physical symptoms or defects.

That makes it difficult to detect.

Folland was able to find help at Touchstone Family Association, a Richmond centre which runs family programs to both support and educate people about a variety of family issues.

Next Tuesday, from 10 a.m. to noon, the FASD Roundtable group created by Touchstone will host an informational event at the Richmond Cultural Centre for local agencies and organizations to learn about FASD.

Folland, a Richmond resident, encountered even doctors ignorant about FASD, causing her to feel even more shame.

“It became something hush-hush and something fearful. I worried that I could have my daughter taken away from me because of it,” she said. “There’s still that stigma around it that they think you’re a raging alcoholic that purposely wanted to cause your child damage. It’s ludicrous.”

When Folland finally learned about her daughter’s condition, she fell apart.

“You don’t even know if you have the right to ask for help because you’ve done this to your child—not on purpose, but I caused this,” she said.

Many children with FASD have trouble adapting to new situations and often mentally mature slower than other children. Although Lindsay is now nine, her mom said she has the maturity of a five-year-old. That makes it tough to form friendships at school.

“She just wants to be accepted, she just wants people to like her,” said Folland.

“If she tells a joke and you laugh, she can’t let that go because she finally had a nice time with someone. So she’ll tell you the joke again and again.”

Folland said her daughter often needs information to be repeated numerous times, requiring extensive patience. Lindsay is also hypersensitive and perceives the world through a different lens than other children her age as a result of her disease.

“Lindsay wakes up everyday thinking, ‘I’m different and nobody gets me.’ But she doesn’t have the words...to express that. So she’ll cry, she’ll have a meltdown and go into a corner because that’s how she knows how to cope.”

Two years ago, Lindsay received help from an educational assistant at school. It was Lindsay’s favourite school year, and her grades were well above average. But her success led to a new schedule the following year, and the change in routine had a major impact.

“I could not get her out of bed. She wanted to kill herself, she wanted to blow up the school,” said Folland.

Folland said her daughter has been assessed as having an above-average intelligence but still requires substantially more help than other children. A major worry for Folland is that her daughter could easily fall into the wrong crowd.

Caring for children with FASD is a full-time job with late hours and intense emotion. Folland has little time for herself, and is slowly learning to develop an identity outside of her role as a mother to a child of FASD.

A constant struggle is dealing with reactions of others who learn about Lindsay’s condition.

“I wish more people would get educated about it and try and see our side,” she said. “The guilt I feel about it is huge.”

FASD Roundtable

•Touchstone started an FASD Roundtable to educate different agencies within the community about FASD. Participants include the RCMP, health care representatives, and employees at community centres, among others.

•Next Tuesday, Sept. 9, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. at the Richmond Cultural Centre Lecture Hall, the roundtable is hosting an event featuring guest speakers and the launch of a FASD survey.

•More information at 604-207-5044.