SENIORS SCENE: Independence or dependence?

Much has been written on the dependence of seniors, but healthy aging is independence.

You do not need to give up independence because you are more dependent.

Independence and dependence can co-exist, and often it is necessary that they do so. Dependence means essentially that you need the help of others. You cannot do everything yourself.

It is an accepted fact that no one can be completely self-sustaining any more. We are all dependent on others. Most of us do not grow our own food, cut our own hair, build our own homes or repair our own automobiles.

Our society allows individuals to specialize at things they do well and you choose to be dependent on others. If we are more affluent, we may choose to have people mow our lawns, wash our cars, clean our houses and cook our meals. We never could do all things for ourselves.

If a senior required or desires additional help in meal preparation, household management or physical assistance this is just a slight change from the dependence that we have practiced. It is part of making our living more efficient.

Independence has to do with being able to make choices, not to perform all the actions. You have to be able to direct in small ways or large, your future. Aging well does not require ability and competence in all areas. It requires the ability to plan and choose.

Dr. Martin Seligman tested the theory of “learned helplessness.” A vicious cycle in which continued failure leads to setbacks that lead to failure to even try to succeed, leading to sadness and resignation.

The brighter side of the learned helplessness is that not everyone is susceptible to this vicious cycle. Suppose that you drop a plate and it breaks. One person may say, “I am clumsy, I am always dropping and breaking everything, I am clumsy in everything I do.”

With this explanatory style every adverse event in life becomes evidence that life is helpless and hopeless. Depression and poor health result.

With the same event, another person may say, “Plates break, it just happened, I’ll sweep it up and throw out the pieces, it does not affect anything else in my life.”

I can recall in my 30s and 40s as most of you can, when many incidents appeared to be insurmountable, but now I say “life is too short, enjoy.” An event should be considered as an accident of short duration, which only affects one small area of life. This leads to good psychological and physical health.

How can we cope with crises? You can deny that the event ever happened, be bitter or distort the facts of what happened. Persons who worked to see the best in a bad situation by using humour were those who experienced good health. You can laugh at your own foibles and a good many of your health problems and when you do so, the problems grow less and may even disappear.

Independence depends on the number of choices you elect to make for yourself. Making plans, anticipating and executing choices are keys to independent living. By doing so you improve your efforts, avoid learned helplessness, improve your belief in your self, and become prepared to cope with the inevitable crises.

Exercising choice does not mean that you need to look around for large decisions to make. Small ones are just as important.

Exercising choice does not mean that your choices have to be something that others will approve. Often the mature part of the life cycle is the time to be a free spirit.

Aileen Cormack writes about seniors issues every month in The Richmond Review.

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