Salt Springers are all just a bunch of moaners and whiners.

So may we infer from the comments of Rob Clarke, BC Ferries chief financial officer and executive vice president.

At a meeting of the Salt Spring Ferry Advisory Committee a couple of weeks ago, Mr. Clarke stated categorically that a “hole-in-the-fence” turnaround route for drivers trying to connect between the ferry from Fulford Harbour to the Tsawwassen-bound ferry was simply not affordable.

Apparently “tens of thousands of dollars” have already been spent on studies of the matter.

Just the construction of a left-hand lane within the ferry compound would lighten the ferry corp.’s pockets by about $5 million. Clarke considers all options to have been exhausted and the matter closed.

The way Mr. Clarke describes the immense difficulties concerning the logistics of making changes at the Swartz Bay terminal, one would believe that the docking of the space shuttle with the International Space Station to be a “piece of cake” in comparison.

We would not want to question the expertise of the professionals who have undertaken the aforementioned studies, but we humbly suggest that the purchase of a pair of bolt cutters for $29.95 at the nearest Canadian Tire outlet could cut down estimated costs considerably.

According to the likes of Mr. Clarke, Salt Springers should consider themselves fortunate that the turnaround route means a detour of only a few kilometres.

It could easily be arranged for the route to be so extended that drivers would receive a close-up view of the Empress Hotel and Beacon Hill Park as they race by on their way back to the tollbooths.

Following Mr. Clarke’s manner of thought, if the ferry corp. were to give in to islanders on this issue, what would they demand next?

A special lane for those rushing to Victoria General or the Royal Jube for surgery? No, satisfying these pesky citizens of Salt Spring is clearly impossible.

Impossible, Mr. Clarke? No, figuring out how to get change from the throughfare machine in Lounge #2 of the Skeena Queen is impossible. Deciphering the printed ferry schedule so as to unravel which sailings are designated as “dangerous cargo only” on the Vesuvius-Crofton run — now that’s impossible.

It is debatable as to whether Mr. Clarke is really interested in breaking down the barriers to smoothing out the connections for vehicles travelling between Salt Spring and Tsawwassen. As a matter of fact, one might be led to believe that if the dismantling of the Berlin Wall had been under his authority, it would still be standing to this day.

It seems that it would just take a bit of creative thinking to overcome the obstacles and make it easier for Salt Spring drivers to make connections to Vancouver.

Oh sure, they could always build a tunnel or an overpass to allow cars unloading from the Skeena Queen to quickly drive onto the larger ferry.

If this is too expensive an alternative, perhaps one of the omnipresent cranes doing expansion work at Swartz Bay could sling cars right onto the Vancouver ferry.

On the other hand, how difficult could it be to transfer a few vehicles at sea? It seems feasible to lower a gangplank down from one of the “Spirit” class vessels (while it is “en route”) and have the Salt Spring vehicles drive straight onto the Vancouver bound ferries.

Naturally, this is an old “pirate manoeuvre,” so the ferry corp. should have no problems adopting it as standard procedure.

Another possible solution to the problem is to build a loading ramp right at the point in Ruckle Park. The big ferry has to sail by anyway, so why not stop and pick up a few extra paying customers.

Perhaps we shouldn’t be thinking about transferring to a big ferry at all.

Why not have the Skeena Queen chug out of Fulford Harbour, turn hard to the port, and head straight for the mainland?

Once arriving at the Tsawwassen terminal, vehicles originally intending to get to Victoria can be directed to a turnaround route that runs through Stanley Park before doubling back to the tollbooths.

BC Ferries management does not seem interested in finding a viable solution to the problem.

They balk at this idea and they balk at that one. Nobody asked me, but it’s high time they start to use a little imagination and “think outside the balks.”

thyme2001@hotmail.com