I was relieved to read that NASA scientists have found large quantities of water on the Moon’s polar caps. Great news. In the future, I may have an inexpensive alternative to CRD water. My water bill for the summer (July 1 till Sept. 30) came to $390, not including the “service fee.” Ech.

Let me give you some background. I live alone, unless you count my three constant canine companions. My house has one bathroom and no dishwasher other than yours truly. I average three loads of laundry a week. My solitary indulgence is a long hot shower in the morning (did I mention I live alone?) 

When I bought the place, I inherited a big green lawn, which  morphs into a dusty weed patch during the dry months. I eschew the sprinkler, letting nature take its course. There is a strip of privacy bamboo around the perimeter of the property that I am nurturing along, as there are streets on three out of four sides of my third of an acre — a typical lot in what is sardonically referred to in the real estate rags as “The Maliview Estates.” I hand water the bamboo, or put on the soaker hoses with two- hour timers.

According to the CRD, this rather pedestrian water usage puts me in the “Aqua-whore” category, punishable by the above heart-stopping chit. Here is the way the CRD likes to bring out the big stick. The first bit costs you 50 cents a cubic metre. It rapidly climbs up to four bucks a metre as the summer wears on. That’s an eight fold increase. In my case, the first 60 cubic metres cost me 30 bucks. The last 60 cost me (are you sitting down?) $240.

I was curious what other Salt Springers were paying, and put the question out there on the Salt Spring community list. Full disclosure: I originally emailed that my bill was $650, but it appears $210 of that was my previous unpaid balance. (Ahem.) Responses came pouring in, some smugly waving their $35 bills in the air, a testament to the thousands spent on water catchment systems and elaborate drip systems. To these citizens who have the time, money and zeal, I tip my hat. 

Most of the responses were in the $150 to $200 range in this very unscientific survey. One telling email stated that his water bill went from $10 per month to around $100 soon after the CRD folks took over. But why not go to the horse’s mouth, our CRD rep, Garth Hendren?

I buttonholed Garth at my gym the other day, stamping my feet and whining about my water bill. He countered that we are getting a good deal on our water over here, and we should expect it to go higher in the near future to pay for necessary upgrades to the pipes and such. The “good deal” part kind of stuck in my throat, so I did some checking around.

According to various government websites, a “user” in North Saanich would have paid $220 for the same amount of water. In the West Shore (Colwood, Langford, etc.) the cost would have totaled $274. Remember, on Salt Spring it cost me $390.

Curious. We live in a rain forest, averaging 35 inches of rainfall a year. St. Mary Lake typically overflows its banks on a yearly basis. With no shortage of water here, I got to wondering how much it must cost for water in desert conditions? One would expect they would be paying the same for water as they do for gas. A “desert” is 10 inches of rain or less. Kelowna gets 11 inches — close enough. Imagine my surprise when I calculated that if I lived in that city, my water bill would have been $125 — less than a third of what I paid here. A “good deal?” I don’t think so.

The difference is the CRD water multiplier — going up eight times the base rate. Let’s try that with gas, by all accounts in global shortage and much more likely to be humanity’s Achilles heel. If the Salt Spring base rate for gas was $1 a litre (were it so!), with the same “the more I use the more I pay” CRD water tactic, we would end up paying $8 a litre if one reached the theoretical “gas whore” level. Would we stand for it? 

Who exactly does this “forced conservation” philosophy hurt? Well, obviously me, and anyone else who waters a vegetable garden over the summer. At the end of the day, it’s likely more economical to just go down to the farmer’s market and buy your veggies rather than pay the premium to water your own. It also hurts families. Does no one on the CRD Board know how much laundry and bath water and dish water a typical working family of four or five uses?

So what can the CRD do? Well, how about breaking up the year differently so that the three driest months aren’t all on the same three-month bill? If my water usage was calculated annually it would be much more equitable. The dry season would then be averaged into the wet season. Or the CRD could read the meters monthly during the dry season. Or the CRD could have incentives for installing drip systems. You know, encourage conservation rather than discourage over-consumption. Or the CRD could put in watering restrictions during the summer — even and odd watering days, only after dusk, etc. You know, like most sane municipalities.

What can I do? Install an expensive drip system? Construct a giant eight-foot privacy fence and let the bamboo wither and die? Replace my dogs’ favourite watering bowl with a low-flush model? One thing is sure. I’ll have to do something by next summer to prevent more over-the-moon water bills.

If the present system is just a thinly veiled cash grab to finance system upgrades, then let’s have some transparency. If the CRD didn’t have the foresight to set aside money, then it should be held responsible, not me. Not you.

republicofsaltspring@mac.com