It’s only a dark memory, an ancient shard, a byte lurking somewhere in the back eddies. It’s northern Alberta, winter. The little gymnasium in the elementary school is cool and damp. It smells of a thousand games of dodge ball, of old leather pommel horses, of fold-out bleachers. At one end, below the stage under the basketball hoops, are two banquet tables manned by matronly nurses in crisp white uniforms. 

Some of the children in my line are crying. I was six years old. It was vaccination day — six small scratches to test for polio. A few days later, a quick jab, a faint bull’s eye that remains today. 

Everything was simpler then, black and white. Communists were bad. We were the good guys. We trusted our government. 

Things are different today. Political scandal heaped on political scandal has left Canadians jaded and skeptical. The House of Commons is a raucous three-ring circus.

Past prime ministers find themselves defending their actions, such as accepting bags full of cash from German businessmen, as if there is a compelling defence for such behaviour. 

Last week, the largest health board in Newfoundland paid out $17.5 million to about 425 men and women in compensation for botched breast cancer tests. The ensuing public inquiry concluded there was a complete breakdown of testing accountability “at all levels” within that province’s health care system.

Out here on the West Coast we have had our share of system breakdowns in the health care system. Everyone seems to have a personal story. 

Is it any wonder that in national polls, less than 50 per cent of Canadians are planning to get the vaccine for H1N1? It seems that most Canadians would rather trust their own defences than depend on our underfunded, porous health system and its officials. It isn’t that they haven’t tried. But you can only cry “Wolf!” so many times before we just get tired of running for the exits. 

The World Health Organization, an official yet vaguely spurious organization has declared the H1N1 flu virus a “pandemic.”  What remains underreported is that this organization actually changed its definition of “pandemic,” omitting the usual parameters of high morbidity and high mortality rates. That means you no longer have to die or even get really sick anymore for a disease to be declared a pandemic. So what have you got? Basically, you’ve got the flu. 

Remember the so-called “bird flu” non-event pandemic of 2005? How about the SARS “pandemic” in 2002/2003. That one killed 774 people in the U.S., a statistical yawner. When the government says “Trust me,” more and more people are replying, “Why should I?”

In a normal round of flu, about 250,000 people worldwide succumb to garden variety flu, and this year, H1N1 or no H1N1, the numbers rolling in are consistent with past years. As of October 30, about 5,000 worldwide have died of the H1N1 strain of flu, including approximately 100 Canadians. Chances of dying of H1N1 are 250,000 to one. You are 20 times more likely to die in a car accident than you are of dying of H1N1.

Still, the government and the mainstream press are doing their best to whip the population into a panic-stricken frenzy over this strain of flu, to the point where seemingly rational people are willing to stand in line for hours braving the elements, surrounded by fellow paranoids, many already sporting flu-like symptoms.

As Canadian icon Allan Fotheringham recently stated in the Globe and Mail, “No [I’m not getting the shot]. I’ve never been so healthy since I was 18. Besides, I almost died two years ago because of a [screw-up] in hospital.”

And David Suzuki, warmly embraced by our government who honoured him with the Order of Canada, responded with a resounding “Yes!” in that same Globe article, adding “Do they [Canadians] think doctors, scientists and government are out to poison them or something?” Well, no. I am not questioning the government’s motivation, just their competence. Just their medical credibility.

Just for the record, Rick Mercer says “yes,” Anne Murray says “no” and Sandra Oh is undecided, stating “I just went to Whole Foods and bought $200 worth of vitamins.” Good call. If this and all types of flu flourish in those with weak or compromised immune systems, wouldn’t it make sense to bolster one’s own natural defence systems? 

The government insists that the H1N1 vaccine does this far more effectively than Vitamin C and the like. In keeping with this exhortation, the feds have ordered up over 50 million doses of the vaccine at a cost of $405 million. That’s for a population of about 33 million. Better safe than sorry. With half the people eschewing the needle, it looks like we’ll have a nice stock pile, huh?

What’s a poor boy to do? Do I trust the government or my intuition? When Doc Reznick comes at me brandishing a dripping hypodermic, I think I’ll pass. I’ll use hand sanitizers. I’ll use salt water in my nostrils.

I’ll gargle lots with Listerine. I’ll stalk the supplement aisles. If I develop symptoms, I’ll stay at home and catch up on my reading. Call it “Dr. Vincent’s Chicken Soup for the Flu” cure. Send my vaccine to Mr. Harper.

republicofsaltspring@mac.com