Marijuana reviewer for U.S. newspaper a tempting offer
I’m applying for a new job.
I know. Not a wise thing to write into a newspaper that currently employs you , but don’t worry, my boss hasn’t filed any kind of bankruptcy protection yet, so he’s probably in a good enough mood to take it.
You see, a friend of mine has sent me a rather unique job application to become a medical marijuana reviewer and I have to admit I’m tempted.
It appears an American newspaper is currently looking for someone to review their state’s medical marijuana offerings and I might be the right one for the job.
Unfortunately, my one, this-beats-everyone-else’s-qualification clincher may also work against me. The job is in Denver and I really think being born and raised of in the land of B.C. Bud—not to mention living in a town that screens its homegrown marijuana movie more often than Rocky Horror Picture Show plays on Halloween—amply qualifies me for the job.
I’m not sooo sure about the idea of smoking everyday, so I’ll be asking to review via special brownies instead. The reviewer writes a column and I can write. I’m not saying it’s always good writing or that I don’t skirt the line from time to time. That line about applying for a new job, for example, is no doubt being passed around some “Black” breakfast table right now where there’s a little debate on what should get a columnist fired in this chain.
But I’ve got a fail-safe plan to sell my new employer so I’ll have a pretty cushy place to land. As I have mentioned in the column before, I have the most common name in North America, with the most common hair colour, eye colour and skin colour to boot.
So I’m practically designed for undercover work. When I write a bad review, I’ll just blame it on the Jennifer Smith next door and no one will be any the wiser. Sort of like how I’ll blame this column on the Jennifer Smith who is a reporter in Vernon.
I think the job requires some sort of medical ailment and anyone whose read this column before knows I’ve definitely got a few screws loose.
So here I come. One chocolate-chowing Mary Jane screener who is about as memorable as a mouse.
Mouse…house, oh yeah that could be a problem. I own one of those overabundant condo things I can’t sell with a legion of little buggers downstairs who spend every night lighting up spliff after spliff.
Hmmm…perhaps this would sell as field research.
Couldn’t the Capital News use the odd marijuana review? Perhaps life in the living room of smoke here is clouding my judgment. Thank you neighbours. And on that judgment bit, perhaps writing for living while clouded is not the brightest idea. Perhaps medical marijuana reviewer is not such a dream job after all. Any other ideas?
jsmith@kelownacapnews.com
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