Perfectionism is rooted in anxiety

BY Christine Kutzner

Perfectionism is a personality trait that can foster anxiety.

The drive to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect is fueled by one’s fear.

Oftentimes the anxiety stems from childhood. If you were regularly criticized by a parent, you may have decided that nothing you could do was “good enough” and so you began to strive to do everything perfectly.

It could have been further heightened by things like self pressure, social pressure and media pressure. These pressures can lead you to worrying, feeling guilty and working too hard.

Perfectionism has two components. First, you have unrealistically high expectations about yourself, others and life.

When someone or something does not measure up, you become disappointed and/or critical.

Second, you are overly focused on small flaws and mistakes in yourself and your accomplishments. Often these small flaws have no real consequence in the big picture, but there is a tendency to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right.

The rigid style of thinking a perfectionist employs is “all or nothing.” You may question your judgment, lack effective problem solving skills or feel a need to please others.

Perfectionism is a common cause of low self-esteem.

It can cause you to drive yourself to the point of stress, exhaustion and burnout. Meeting your own high expectations to please your parents, colleagues, teachers or friends is a problem.

When you are too afraid to take healthy risks, that is a problem. When you hear yourself saying “you must” or “ you should have,” this comes from a point of worry and anxiety rather than from a true natural desire.

Ways to Counteract Perfectionism

Let go of the belief that your worth is determined by your achievements and accomplishments.

Stop focusing on small flaws or errors.

Focus on the positives.

Set realistic goals.

Start placing value on the process of doing things and not on the accomplishment.

Conquering your perfectionism will open up new possibilities, and it will certainly make your life a lot more relaxing and enjoyable!

Christine Kutzner is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who is a parent coach and child counsellor in North Vancouver. For parenting tips visit www.ckcounsellingservices.com

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