Once again, Thanksgiving has come upon us. After the busy whirl of back to school, this long weekend may provide an opportunity to take a long look at our lives. The question is, will we look with eyes of appreciation, or depreciation? Will we focus on what is going well, or what is not? The mindset to look at what a person or situation’s strengths are can be a big change from our “squeaky wheel gets the grease” culture. What if, instead of complaining, we collectively practised an attitude of gratitude. Recently, my partner painted a piece of furniture I inherited. Unfortunately, my first thought was “he missed a spot there, and there’s a streak on that side.”

It took a conscious effort to remind myself that, “someone cared enough for me that he spent a day and a half working on this project and overall it looks great.” My reaction was then transformed into one which was much more appreciative rather than fault-finding. Both perspectives were equally accurate, but only one of them left us both filled with warm fuzzies.

Frankly, I think that an appreciative attitude inspires a greater likelihood that future projects will be willingly attempted. One of the amazing aspects of the human mind is that it can be trained to look for what is working, or what is not. And truly, we do see what we’re looking for.

Have you ever had the exact same experience as another person, and had a totally different response to it? Historically, the field of psychology has focused on what is not working in a person’s life. Positive psychology, pioneered by Dr. Martin Seligman, is a relatively recent movement that focuses on what is working well, and recognizes that much of our experience happens within our head and how we react to situations.

In my graduate research I studied Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, which catalogues the negative side effects that can occur after a terrible, often life-threatening, event. Unexpectedly, I found a collection of research termed Posttraumatic Growth. Instead of only looking at the bad things that came from these traumatic incidents, this research looked at what areas of a person’s life or experience became better or improved in some way. Positive psychology doesn’t pretend that nothing bad happens in the world, or that people do not suffer or experience pain. It acknowledges that there is both pain and joy, happiness and sadness, and invites us recognize and to take advantage of both sides of the coin. What are the conditions in which people do well?

Positive psychology is less interested in why people abuse substances, harm their loved ones, or become involved with the judicial system than why people do not. The focus is on recipes for success, rather than recipes for failure. I think each of use could list reasons people aren’t successful, but it’s important to know what are the ingredients for success, so we can encourage more people to build them into their lives.

The practice of positive psychology can be fairly simple. Since this is Thanksgiving, spend ten minutes writing down things for which you are grateful. Or better yet, be specific and write multiple lists for different areas in which you are grateful. Write down 15 things you appreciate about your job, your spouse, your parent, your child, and yourself. I guarantee that even less than ideal situations and relationships will have aspects of them that you can appreciate. Like any muscle, your gratitude habit will take concentration and effort at first, but eventually it will become stronger and a general sense of well-being will overtake you.

As one of my colleagues likes to say “Attitude determines altitude” – what heights can you achieve by increased focus on what is good in your life and in the lives of the people around you?

May you have a lovely Thanksgiving, and one that is filled with many opportunities to give thanks.

Marie Amos, MA, RCC, is a Mental Health Therapist with Child and Youth Mental Health of MCFD, Chilliwack.