Dear Lindsey: This question is in response to your Sept. 27 column, headlined PlayGround Is Not A Prison. Last year my four-year-old daughter enrolled in a school that I was told years ago had a reputation for bullying. I was told, however, that the new principal had a new attitude and would not put up with that type of behaviour from the students. So I decided to let my daughter go there. Some three months into the school year, she started coming home saying that the bigger kids were picking on her and taking her snacks.We told the teacher, but she accused my daughter of lying and telling stories. I then went to see the principal but nothing was rectified. I ended up pulling my daughter out of school for one week and getting the school board involved in the situation. This year, my daughter is still being bullied and is scared to stay for lunch. I have a teacher accusing me of stopping my daughter’s growth and development in school because I bring her home for lunch. My daughter is only in Grade 1 and I do not want her subjected to any more harassment at school. I feel that my rights as a parent have been infringed upon and worse, I feel that I am battling two bullies, the snack stealers and my daughter’s teacher. What should I do? 

—One loud,

frustrated parent

I wonder how many rounds this teacher would last if in fact it was she who found herself unwillingly standing in the ring Mike Tyson. 

It sounds as though this teacher needs to stop blaming you and start addressing the real issue.

Perhaps she could use a refresher course on the harmful psychological effects of long term bullying.

If your daughter has been targeted by the same group of older children over the course of two years, then clearly we have a major a problem here. 

It is the responsibility of the school, teachers, parents, police and students to take a zero tolerance approach to bullying.

Several measures can be taken to put an end to this emotionally, physically and mentally harmful behaviour and I would suggest that you continue to advocate for your child until this situation is rectified.

As the old saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. 

You may wish to consider having another meeting with the teacher, principal and perhaps a school district board member to talk about developing a class code of conduct with regard to treatment of other students, with specific reference to bullying and the problem of older students targeting younger students.

Both desirable and unacceptable behaviour should be simply and clearly defined and written down. 

The school should have a policy whereby they follow up with immediate, consistent, non violent consequences for all bullying and aggressive behaviour. After all, your daughter is afraid to stay on the school grounds for the lunch period.

In addition, it is important for the school staff to recognize and praise the positive, friendly and supportive behaviours of students toward one another on a frequent basis. 

The school should be teaching of non-violent, non-racist, and non-sexist ideas, values and behaviours, as a core part of the every-day curriculum.

Social skills, including communication, making friends, accepting feedback from others, conflict resolution, appropriate assertiveness, and problem-solving should also be taught on an ongoing basis. 

If your school is unwilling to enforce a policy around snack stealing, and you’ve contacted the appropriate people in power and are still unsatisfied, you may wish to consider switching schools. 

Taking your child out of school each and every lunch hour, although it is a band aid to the situation, is not a long term solution to this problem. 

Bullying is a social problem that will effect a young person’s social, academic and emotional development. 

No child should ever have to fear for their safety while in the care of our school system.

Lindsey Montague is a registered clinical counsellor. E-mail her a question at asklindsey@yahoo.com.