Creating goals in life is a wonderful exercise and having a target of success is a worthy dream.

However time and time again, we find that we are unable to stick to necessary behavioural changes that are required to achieve our goals.

But why would our goals seem so difficult to achieve when deep down we really know that this new way of being is what we truly want and desire in life?

Well, merely wanting something and achieving it are two entirely different matters.

Furthermore, achieving goals in life has very little to do with will powerIt is about changing your core beliefs and shifting your perspective in life.

For example, let’s say that your goal is to lose weight.

If your core belief about yourself is that you are unlovable, then more likely than not, you will consciously—or unconsciously—sabotage your own success.

Before you can say “Hostess Twinkie,” you find yourself sitting on the couch scarfing down a bag of Doritos with a litre of Coke.

You will rationalize (from the Greek words “rational” + “lie”) your behaviour in that moment by telling yourself some kind of crap like “I’ll just work out extra hard tomorrow.”

We justify why we should not stick to our original commitments.

Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that your behaviour will default to what you believe to be true about yourself—not what you would like to believe.

In order for us to really have faith in a bigger vision of our life we have to believe that we are worthy of having it.

Part of this thinking dictates that we start to love ourselves in this very moment—not when we have lost 20 pounds or when we are in a new relationship etc.

Your beliefs about yourself will dictate your motivation and dedication to your new vision of life.

Part of stepping into this vision requires that you start to focus your attention on the things that you love about yourself.

Is your internal dialogue filled with self love and compassion? Or have you turned into your own worst critic?

If your friends treated you the way that you treat yourself, would you still be friends with them?

Healthy, supportive, nurturing self-talk is a prerequisite for any lasting positive change in life.

The second part of achieving your life goals is to change your perspective or your mental filter.

We all have our own special filtering system within us.

However, we only filter information that we perceive as important to us and we disregard all other information from our consciousness.

What this really means is that we filter information based on where we focus our attention.

If my focus is on finding faults about myself, then most certainly I will find evidence to support this.

Conversely if I choose to focus my attention on what I love about myself, then I will certainly find evidence to support this perspective as well.

Your brain will pick out specific evidence from the eleven billion bits of information that it is receiving to support what you are looking for.

So if you are fearful, then most definitely you will find something to be fearful about.

Your brain scans your environment to see what matches, everything you want, or everything that you don’t want. When you change your self talk to one of self love you start to change your filtering system as well.

In choosing a different perspective you can start to impress your new image of your life on to your non conscious mind.

It will now pick out information in your environment to support your new way of being in life.

If you are not conditioned for the success that you want to achieve, then it could be staring you straight in the face and you would not see it.

The secret recipe to success, in part, is realizing that success is measured in how you perceive your life.

If you love yourself and your behaviour reflects this self love, then your energy is aligned with your goals and you will not go into self sabotaging behaviour.

However, if you do not truly love yourself then your behaviour will also reflect this belief and you will sabotage your own efforts to succeed.

By loving yourself you are actually changing the hard wiring of your brain.

Your brain will start to pick out information that supports your new self image.

This success builds on itself until one day you realize that yes indeed, you have truly achieved your goal that was at one time only a dream.

Building a dream takes time and this amazing creative process starts with a huge dose of self love.

Annie Hopper is a counsellor in Kelowna. She can be reached at 250-862-176.

annie@anniehopper.com